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BC-BARRY-HUMOR-ADV04:MI _ lifestyle (970 words)

We're just a few dinosaurs short of a full tank

(NOT INCLUDED IN YOUR NEWS SERVICE SUBSCRIPTION.) (Sunday 9-04 release)

By Dave Barry

Knight Ridder Newspapers

(KRT)

(This classic Dave Barry column was originally published on April 16, 2000.)

___

If you've been to a gas station lately, you have no doubt been shocked by the prices: $1.67, $1.78, even $1.92. And that's just for Hostess Twinkies. Gas prices are even worse.

Americans are ticked off about this, and with good reason: Our rights are being violated! The First Amendment clearly states: "In addition to freedom of speech, Americans shall always have low gasoline prices, so they can drive around in 'sport utility' vehicles the size of minor planets."

And don't let any so-called "economists" try to tell you that foreigners pay more for gas than we do. Foreigners use metric gasoline, which is sold in foreign units called "kilometers," plus they are paying for it with foreign currencies ...